I woke up this morning, listening to a memorial service given by several of my classmates and felt so underdeveloped and disconnected compared to where they are coming from.

We are three months from graduation and ordination and I am seeing how much I have been struggling with life. I think I just need to make a decision to stop whining and man up.

It seems I was too deep for the superficial world of entertainment and fashion that I was working and living in, and yet I feel too superficial for the spiritual and soulful world I am now.

I have not been meeting life's challenges with depth and love. I have not had conscious contact with my spiritual self to anchor me. I have not been loving because I've been too angry and bitter and resentful and mistrustful to go there. If how people deal with stress is truly a judge of their character, then I am disappointed with mine.