I woke up this morning, listening to a memorial service given by several of my classmates and felt so underdeveloped and disconnected compared to where they are coming from.
We are three months from graduation and ordination and I am seeing how much I have been struggling with life. I think I just need to make a decision to stop whining and man up.
It seems I was too deep for the superficial world of entertainment and fashion that I was working and living in, and yet I feel too superficial for the spiritual and soulful world I am now.
I have not been meeting life's challenges with depth and love. I have not had conscious contact with my spiritual self to anchor me. I have not been loving because I've been too angry and bitter and resentful and mistrustful to go there. If how people deal with stress is truly a judge of their character, then I am disappointed with mine.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, December 13, 2007
BEFORE YOU SPEAK
Ask:
1) is it true?, 2) is it helpful?, and 3) Is it kind?
I came across these filters to contemplate and am grateful to have them. I wanted to post them to further plant the seeds.
Coming from a business that's all about gossip and creating headlines, the basis for passing along, broadcasting or printing "information" -- fact or myth -- was the polar opposite of these considerations. It's a soul killer for everyone involved, possibly even moreso for those who propagate it than the subjects. It was a world that made me ask, when I found myself staring at the ceiling at 4 AM, is this all the better I can do with my precious time and energy in this life?
I have moved on and am struggling to redefine myself.
Ask:
1) is it true?, 2) is it helpful?, and 3) Is it kind?
I came across these filters to contemplate and am grateful to have them. I wanted to post them to further plant the seeds.
Coming from a business that's all about gossip and creating headlines, the basis for passing along, broadcasting or printing "information" -- fact or myth -- was the polar opposite of these considerations. It's a soul killer for everyone involved, possibly even moreso for those who propagate it than the subjects. It was a world that made me ask, when I found myself staring at the ceiling at 4 AM, is this all the better I can do with my precious time and energy in this life?
I have moved on and am struggling to redefine myself.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
WE ARE ALL ONE
From the Houston Chronicle's Religion section on Saturday November 25, 2006.
JUDAISM:
"What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah;all the rest is commentary."
Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31A
CHRISTIANITY:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Jesus, Matthew 7:12, NIV
ISLAM:
"Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself."
The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith
HINDUISM:
"This is the sum of duty: Do not do to others what would cause you pain if done to you."
Mahabharata, 5;1517
BUDDHISM:
"Treat not others in ways you yourself would find hurtful."
The Buddah, Udana-Varga 5:18
BAHAI
"Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anoyone the things you would not desire for yourself."
Baha'u'llah, Gleanings
From the Houston Chronicle's Religion section on Saturday November 25, 2006.
JUDAISM:
"What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah;all the rest is commentary."
Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31A
CHRISTIANITY:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Jesus, Matthew 7:12, NIV
ISLAM:
"Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself."
The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith
HINDUISM:
"This is the sum of duty: Do not do to others what would cause you pain if done to you."
Mahabharata, 5;1517
BUDDHISM:
"Treat not others in ways you yourself would find hurtful."
The Buddah, Udana-Varga 5:18
BAHAI
"Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anoyone the things you would not desire for yourself."
Baha'u'llah, Gleanings
Monday, November 20, 2006
RASISING THE BAR
I was reintroduced to a concept the other day that things that active like prayer, meditation and journaling, going to services, whatever one's orientation doing prayer treatments, or spells, or rituals, and gathering with people to do these things, or just talk, or to do a pure intentioned service for others -- the community, a child, the environment -- is really an act that fine tunes your vibration, that raises it to a higher level.
I found it helpful to look at it liek this, as this is exactly what it does. I feel uplifted from doing things with other people...as their presence, or energy, definitely brings mine way up. I think this is a common expereince -- haven't you felt that?
But I need to raise my energy and vibrate ata higher level. And there is not a ceiling for that. To get back to where I used to be would be a blessing, and increase the quality of my life and those around me greatly. But I want to keep doing practice, to keep in concious contact on a dailiy, minute by minute basis. It makes all the stuff that happens in my life new. Heaven conciousness is shed on all the mundane things, all the annoyances and incoveniences.
I'm sure Einstein would have something to say about all this...
I was reintroduced to a concept the other day that things that active like prayer, meditation and journaling, going to services, whatever one's orientation doing prayer treatments, or spells, or rituals, and gathering with people to do these things, or just talk, or to do a pure intentioned service for others -- the community, a child, the environment -- is really an act that fine tunes your vibration, that raises it to a higher level.
I found it helpful to look at it liek this, as this is exactly what it does. I feel uplifted from doing things with other people...as their presence, or energy, definitely brings mine way up. I think this is a common expereince -- haven't you felt that?
But I need to raise my energy and vibrate ata higher level. And there is not a ceiling for that. To get back to where I used to be would be a blessing, and increase the quality of my life and those around me greatly. But I want to keep doing practice, to keep in concious contact on a dailiy, minute by minute basis. It makes all the stuff that happens in my life new. Heaven conciousness is shed on all the mundane things, all the annoyances and incoveniences.
I'm sure Einstein would have something to say about all this...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
There's been confusion in finding my partner for the class, and I am feeling impatient. The group leader suggested that I let the universe let it unfold. While I know she meant it with wonderful intentions, that's one of those sentences that I find hard to swallow in a case like this. I know one of my biggest lessons in life is to learn not to force things, to wait, to let things take the time that they are going to take sometimes. There's great wisdom in that, and it is something to aspire to. At the same time, this is a clear matter of just plain human error, and it could be cleared up with a few phone calls or a bit of research. I tried to take a breath and let it all go, have been. What it did is stretch this problem out for two more days and the universe is no closer to resolving it. In fact, it's gotten more complicated. We are co-creators people, do we not say this all the time? I stopped breathing and made a call and wrote another e-mail about it today. And I think this has gotten me somewhere. They will look into it at a meeting tomorrow.
What she also suggested that I could wrap around was the suggestion that, having left all my friends in this recent move, I am feeling a greater sense of disconnection. Up until now I thought I was doing fine. But when I scratched just below the surface I was bowled over by pretty powerful loneliness that I hadn't been aware of. And I'm pretty aware. But I am also pretty discombobulated still, even though the dust is starting to settle. As much as I have hermit tendencies, I also come to life around people. I ran out to an Alanon meeting the other afternoon, and after this comment came up, I realized it was not so much because I wanted to support my moving in this more centered, spirit based direction (which Alanon brings to me, like going to church does for some), but because I needed to be around people.
I was sitting at my desk later and an e-mail popped up from my best friend, who I missed the most. Instead of dashing something off back to her, which is so easy to get in the habit of because I'm on e-mail all day and night, I called her. It was good. But not as good as going to dinner together, or walking thru the streets to see a movie, or going for pedicures and chatting all through it. I was surprised how close tot he surface tears were... the BIG cry kind. So I sat with THAT, and took that in, and felt those feelings. And that was good.
What she also suggested that I could wrap around was the suggestion that, having left all my friends in this recent move, I am feeling a greater sense of disconnection. Up until now I thought I was doing fine. But when I scratched just below the surface I was bowled over by pretty powerful loneliness that I hadn't been aware of. And I'm pretty aware. But I am also pretty discombobulated still, even though the dust is starting to settle. As much as I have hermit tendencies, I also come to life around people. I ran out to an Alanon meeting the other afternoon, and after this comment came up, I realized it was not so much because I wanted to support my moving in this more centered, spirit based direction (which Alanon brings to me, like going to church does for some), but because I needed to be around people.
I was sitting at my desk later and an e-mail popped up from my best friend, who I missed the most. Instead of dashing something off back to her, which is so easy to get in the habit of because I'm on e-mail all day and night, I called her. It was good. But not as good as going to dinner together, or walking thru the streets to see a movie, or going for pedicures and chatting all through it. I was surprised how close tot he surface tears were... the BIG cry kind. So I sat with THAT, and took that in, and felt those feelings. And that was good.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Agape Online
Agape is the name of a congregation I became a member of (and I am not a joining kind) when I lived in Los Angeles. It was technically a church of Religious Science, but for the first 6 months I attended (and I am not the attending kind), all I knew was-- something good was happening there. Finally I asked someone, "Is this a religion?", and I was told it's called Science of Mind or Religious Science... which when I tell people immediately gets confused with Christian Science, which it is NOT. I hate to assign a title to it, as it's really more based on the simple, common principles that I find shared at the core of all religions, when stripped of their dogma. It focuses on One -- One Power, One Presence, One Intelligence or One Spirit -- and who we are as co-creators: how we are to use our lives, to grow, to express and manifest this omnipresence as me, here, in this little slip of time I have to work with.
Agape is more than a church, it's a community of all ages, races, backgrounds, and it reaches out to do things and touch people all over the world. It's growing at an amazing yet sane pace. The engine behind all of this is Reverend Michael Beckwith. I may write more about him in detail later, but though I moved from LA almost 11 years ago, he's still my Rev, and I am still a member of Agape. I sorely missed it when I moved to New York 11 years ago. While I made attempts to get an Agape "East" going with some other transplants like myself, our efforts didn't bear fruit. I had about 30 tapes of his sermons and several CD's of Rickie Byars-Beckwith's music (his now wife and Agape's long time musical director), but I was still missing someplace to connect with people and felt the gap left by my move wasn't going to be able to be bridged.
I attended some Unity services, when the religious science services in New York left me wanting. Now I've had to move to Houston where I knew virtually no one, and had the ability to take a sabbatical in which to develop, among other things, my spiritual side. I searched what I could find of Unitarian, Unity, Religious Science, and anything Interfaith but there is either a too-straight, too-Christian, or too wooden but earnest sense about those services that left me feeling sincerely wanting. While I was in the process of applying a few weeks late for a 2 year Interfaith program, I was just jonesing for connection to something -- and I signed on to the Agape website.
Somewhere in the recent past Rev. Beckwith developed a way to reach out to people like me all over the world. He does a weekly download to your computer or ipod of an hour long talk and once a month, actually does a live conference call worldwide. I can sign on, listen in, or ask questions, and get a download of it as well. There are also chat boards with like minded members, a newsletter and other things to reach out and bring Agape to me here. I got a little shot in the arm when I signed up (did I mention I'm not a signer upper?) and that's when I realized how much I have been nursing a chasm that is growing restless and HUNGRY. It's needing to be fed.
I'm working on it.
Agape is the name of a congregation I became a member of (and I am not a joining kind) when I lived in Los Angeles. It was technically a church of Religious Science, but for the first 6 months I attended (and I am not the attending kind), all I knew was-- something good was happening there. Finally I asked someone, "Is this a religion?", and I was told it's called Science of Mind or Religious Science... which when I tell people immediately gets confused with Christian Science, which it is NOT. I hate to assign a title to it, as it's really more based on the simple, common principles that I find shared at the core of all religions, when stripped of their dogma. It focuses on One -- One Power, One Presence, One Intelligence or One Spirit -- and who we are as co-creators: how we are to use our lives, to grow, to express and manifest this omnipresence as me, here, in this little slip of time I have to work with.
Agape is more than a church, it's a community of all ages, races, backgrounds, and it reaches out to do things and touch people all over the world. It's growing at an amazing yet sane pace. The engine behind all of this is Reverend Michael Beckwith. I may write more about him in detail later, but though I moved from LA almost 11 years ago, he's still my Rev, and I am still a member of Agape. I sorely missed it when I moved to New York 11 years ago. While I made attempts to get an Agape "East" going with some other transplants like myself, our efforts didn't bear fruit. I had about 30 tapes of his sermons and several CD's of Rickie Byars-Beckwith's music (his now wife and Agape's long time musical director), but I was still missing someplace to connect with people and felt the gap left by my move wasn't going to be able to be bridged.
I attended some Unity services, when the religious science services in New York left me wanting. Now I've had to move to Houston where I knew virtually no one, and had the ability to take a sabbatical in which to develop, among other things, my spiritual side. I searched what I could find of Unitarian, Unity, Religious Science, and anything Interfaith but there is either a too-straight, too-Christian, or too wooden but earnest sense about those services that left me feeling sincerely wanting. While I was in the process of applying a few weeks late for a 2 year Interfaith program, I was just jonesing for connection to something -- and I signed on to the Agape website.
Somewhere in the recent past Rev. Beckwith developed a way to reach out to people like me all over the world. He does a weekly download to your computer or ipod of an hour long talk and once a month, actually does a live conference call worldwide. I can sign on, listen in, or ask questions, and get a download of it as well. There are also chat boards with like minded members, a newsletter and other things to reach out and bring Agape to me here. I got a little shot in the arm when I signed up (did I mention I'm not a signer upper?) and that's when I realized how much I have been nursing a chasm that is growing restless and HUNGRY. It's needing to be fed.
I'm working on it.
WRITING LARRY KING
I got an e-mail that the Reverend Michael Beckwith, was going to be on Larry King Live on Nov 2, as part of a panel on positive thinking. I watched and found myself drinking in the topic. I just recieved another notice from Agape inviting those of us who saw it to utilize the opportunity to write Larry King Live to encourage more of this type of conversation. It was something I could do today (besides a massive load of recycling I dropped off this morning) to contribute to bettering the world, so I wrote this and hit send.
"RE: the show --Beyond Positive Thinking - Michael Beckwith and Friends
It was really great to see an entire hour on this topic and I'm writing to encourage a show as widely watched and respected as Larry King Live, and CNN in general, to do more content of this kind.
The world is in a tough place and by doing a show like this, which reaches so many households and corners of the world, the network has performed a huge act of public service.
To begin to send out this kind of message, which can be dwarfed by the horrible and defeating news of the day, is to give some balance back to all of us, who every day are struggling to deal with the very scary time we live in. Speaking for myself, who has given considerable amounts of my time, money, resources, voice and my vote and been left feeling like I'm not sure any of it is making a dent, such a show is inspiring and enervating.
I am a comparatively blessed American. I go to sleep in a warm, comfortable bed, behind a locked door, with dinner in my belly, well aware that more of my fellow man than I can conceive of have bombs going off overhead, are without rights or medical care or supplies, and risk rape, starvation or execution on a daily basis. Worldwide those of us who have any ability to do something about it all are feeling a collective sense of overwhelm conscience and doubt. I'm at a loss of how to deal with war, racial cleansing, corrupt politics, global warming, animal extinction, nuclear proliferation ... the list goes on and on. It's a critical time for the fire of the good in people to be stoked, as good begets good. And we are a globe sorely in need of the good you put out there Nov 2nd.
Do not underestimate the power of such an effort, to change an hour, a person, a country, our world.
Sincerely... "
I got an e-mail that the Reverend Michael Beckwith, was going to be on Larry King Live on Nov 2, as part of a panel on positive thinking. I watched and found myself drinking in the topic. I just recieved another notice from Agape inviting those of us who saw it to utilize the opportunity to write Larry King Live to encourage more of this type of conversation. It was something I could do today (besides a massive load of recycling I dropped off this morning) to contribute to bettering the world, so I wrote this and hit send.
"RE: the show --Beyond Positive Thinking - Michael Beckwith and Friends
It was really great to see an entire hour on this topic and I'm writing to encourage a show as widely watched and respected as Larry King Live, and CNN in general, to do more content of this kind.
The world is in a tough place and by doing a show like this, which reaches so many households and corners of the world, the network has performed a huge act of public service.
To begin to send out this kind of message, which can be dwarfed by the horrible and defeating news of the day, is to give some balance back to all of us, who every day are struggling to deal with the very scary time we live in. Speaking for myself, who has given considerable amounts of my time, money, resources, voice and my vote and been left feeling like I'm not sure any of it is making a dent, such a show is inspiring and enervating.
I am a comparatively blessed American. I go to sleep in a warm, comfortable bed, behind a locked door, with dinner in my belly, well aware that more of my fellow man than I can conceive of have bombs going off overhead, are without rights or medical care or supplies, and risk rape, starvation or execution on a daily basis. Worldwide those of us who have any ability to do something about it all are feeling a collective sense of overwhelm conscience and doubt. I'm at a loss of how to deal with war, racial cleansing, corrupt politics, global warming, animal extinction, nuclear proliferation ... the list goes on and on. It's a critical time for the fire of the good in people to be stoked, as good begets good. And we are a globe sorely in need of the good you put out there Nov 2nd.
Do not underestimate the power of such an effort, to change an hour, a person, a country, our world.
Sincerely... "
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
I am a lover of paper and pen, but when I was assigned to keep a journal of my spiritual journey throughout a spritiual deepening class I just began, I wasn't sure how I wanted to do that. Do I mix those thoughts and experiences in my normal daily journal as it's a part of what is going on in my life? Do I start a special journal and use a special pen and ink color -- which appeals to me, as it's appropriately ceremonious and centering to do so? Or should I keep it on computer, which might be a little limiting compared to a small notebook I can take to anyplace I want and in which I could draw or write in any direction, but which could make it easier to pull excerpts for the required 5-page paper due each month?
Practicality has won out.
I collect pens, and fine papers, and love the tactile sense of the ink on the page. I've written in journals consistantly since I was about 10. It's the only posession I would try to save in a fire... though there are about 400 of them at this point. Yes, I have them all, lost only 2 that I can remember, and at the time it was horrible to imagine my private thoughts being read by someone else's eyes. If I were long gone, then I imagined it would be cool, but not UNTIL then. Precicely why I was hesitant to do something online.
On the one hand, no one reads these things anyway... there are so many of them, I'd be shocked if I got any comments. On the other hand, I may end up needing to share what I am doing here, if not with some of my long-distance study partners, then in what this study leads me to do out in the world. And since the topic is spiritual, and I've seen proof time and time again of synchronistic things happening when the door is open, there might be someone out there who's meant to come across the blog... I like that idea hanging in the air, like there might be a Santa Claus after all. So, the decision is made.
Something's leading me to take the plunge though the content of this journal will be more personal than most subjects. Doing this where the public just possibly could see feels a little like I'm having sex near a window. I'm going to make every effort to NOT edit myself because of that, which will be tempting. I'm not necessarily going to be profound; the content could be totally boring to others. But, I will be honest, and I've found, whatever the topic, when people are honest it's rarely a bore.
Practicality has won out.
I collect pens, and fine papers, and love the tactile sense of the ink on the page. I've written in journals consistantly since I was about 10. It's the only posession I would try to save in a fire... though there are about 400 of them at this point. Yes, I have them all, lost only 2 that I can remember, and at the time it was horrible to imagine my private thoughts being read by someone else's eyes. If I were long gone, then I imagined it would be cool, but not UNTIL then. Precicely why I was hesitant to do something online.
On the one hand, no one reads these things anyway... there are so many of them, I'd be shocked if I got any comments. On the other hand, I may end up needing to share what I am doing here, if not with some of my long-distance study partners, then in what this study leads me to do out in the world. And since the topic is spiritual, and I've seen proof time and time again of synchronistic things happening when the door is open, there might be someone out there who's meant to come across the blog... I like that idea hanging in the air, like there might be a Santa Claus after all. So, the decision is made.
Something's leading me to take the plunge though the content of this journal will be more personal than most subjects. Doing this where the public just possibly could see feels a little like I'm having sex near a window. I'm going to make every effort to NOT edit myself because of that, which will be tempting. I'm not necessarily going to be profound; the content could be totally boring to others. But, I will be honest, and I've found, whatever the topic, when people are honest it's rarely a bore.
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