There's been confusion in finding my partner for the class, and I am feeling impatient. The group leader suggested that I let the universe let it unfold. While I know she meant it with wonderful intentions, that's one of those sentences that I find hard to swallow in a case like this. I know one of my biggest lessons in life is to learn not to force things, to wait, to let things take the time that they are going to take sometimes. There's great wisdom in that, and it is something to aspire to. At the same time, this is a clear matter of just plain human error, and it could be cleared up with a few phone calls or a bit of research. I tried to take a breath and let it all go, have been. What it did is stretch this problem out for two more days and the universe is no closer to resolving it. In fact, it's gotten more complicated. We are co-creators people, do we not say this all the time? I stopped breathing and made a call and wrote another e-mail about it today. And I think this has gotten me somewhere. They will look into it at a meeting tomorrow.

What she also suggested that I could wrap around was the suggestion that, having left all my friends in this recent move, I am feeling a greater sense of disconnection. Up until now I thought I was doing fine. But when I scratched just below the surface I was bowled over by pretty powerful loneliness that I hadn't been aware of. And I'm pretty aware. But I am also pretty discombobulated still, even though the dust is starting to settle. As much as I have hermit tendencies, I also come to life around people. I ran out to an Alanon meeting the other afternoon, and after this comment came up, I realized it was not so much because I wanted to support my moving in this more centered, spirit based direction (which Alanon brings to me, like going to church does for some), but because I needed to be around people.

I was sitting at my desk later and an e-mail popped up from my best friend, who I missed the most. Instead of dashing something off back to her, which is so easy to get in the habit of because I'm on e-mail all day and night, I called her. It was good. But not as good as going to dinner together, or walking thru the streets to see a movie, or going for pedicures and chatting all through it. I was surprised how close tot he surface tears were... the BIG cry kind. So I sat with THAT, and took that in, and felt those feelings. And that was good.